My plan to study Organisational Psychology

I am in the process of completing an application to Deakin University to study Organisational Psychology. Among certified documents, and digging out transcripts, part of the process is to complete a personal statement. I have written cover letters before, but never a a personal statement for university entrance. In the interest of ‘working out loud’ and open learning I thought I would share my draft statement here on my blog.
I hope this marks the beginning of a learning experience which sees me studying at Deakin in a few months. I will be finishing my application this week. If you would like to give me any feedback I would be grateful to hear from you.
This personal statement is to express my desire and suitability to study Psychological Science at Deakin University, majoring in Organisational Studies. I am genuinely fascinated by what makes people and organisations tick. It is the focus of my current work and where I want to dedicate my career. On successful completion of undergraduate studies, I plan to follow with a Master of Psychology (Organisational) also with Deakin.
I have focused the past decade of my career on digital workplace and employee experience. The fundamental theme being the understanding of people within the workplace, translating their problems and needs into functional solutions. I have worked within Operations, People & Culture, Corporate Communication, Business Transformation and Information Technology where I have developed an understanding of employee needs from multiple view points across a variety of industries.
My tertiary qualification in Marketing (Bachelor of Business) gave me the grounding in business and communication principles, supported by several units of study in Human Resource Management and Industrial Relations. I found my studies of Consumer Behaviour and Organisational Behaviour the most fascinating, which led me to investigate Psychology as my next step in further education. Included in my industry learning are a Certificate in Organisational Coaching and Microsoft Service Adoption Specialist. I have also been the member of award winning project teams, a committed industry event volunteer, and recipient of Microsoft’s Most Valuable Professional Award (2020-21).
Through my career journey I leveraged my natural curiosity and problem-solving ability to find much satisfaction in working directly with people in the business to understand, unpack and improve the way they work. Through professional networking and conferences have honed my personal and professional development in internal communications, change management, user experience design, product management and content management. In applying these disciplines, I have also developed an interest in diversity, inclusion and digital accessibility.
As a student of Deakin University I would bring my significant professional experience and natural curiosity. Through organisational studies I would acquire a deeper understanding of human behaviour as it relates to workplaces and a solid grounding in research methodologies needed to inform strategic goals. Qualifications in Psychology and Organisational Studies will allow me to pursue my professional goal, which is to continue working with organisations to solve business problems. As an Organisational Psychologist I will be equipped to do this at strategic level.
I look forward to receiving a favourable response to my application and becoming a successful student and graduate of Deakin University.
If you have any advice for improving my personal statement, feel free to comment or get in touch via another medium.